The Best Ways To Eat A Potato, Ranked

THIS IS NOT A DISCUSSION.

Raw potatoes

Raw potatoes

WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A GROUND MAMMAL?

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Boiled potatoes

Boiled potatoes

THAT PARSLEY ISN'T FOOLING ANYONE. THOSE ARE WET TESTICLES.

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Potato salad

Potato salad

OH YOU MEAN POTATO HUNKS SUSPENDED IN A MAYONNAISE SOUP?

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Scalloped potatoes

Scalloped potatoes

IF I WANTED SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE A MOLLUSK I'D LIVE IN THE OCEAN.

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Potatoes au gratin

Potatoes au gratin

NO COMPRENDE.

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Sweet potato pie

Sweet potato pie

I THOUGHT YOU WERE PUMPKIN AND NOW I AM SAD.

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Hasselback potatoes

Hasselback potatoes

LISTEN, THEY LOOK AWESOME BUT I MADE THEM ON TUESDAY AND THEY TOOK OVER AN HOUR TO COOK AND TASTED LIKE — YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GUESS BUT — A FRICKIN' POTATO.

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Potato chips

Potato chips

NOTHING ENRAGES ME MORE THAN ORDERING A BURGER AND BEING HANDED THESE THIN SCABS OF STARCH.

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Baked potato

Baked potato

ANYTHING THAT ENCOURAGES ME TO EAT A SPOONFUL OF SOUR CREAM IS COOL WITH ME.

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Potato soup

Potato soup

YEAH BABY INJECT THAT THICK POTATO CREAM STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS.

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Home fries

Home fries

THEY ARE THE BRICKS THAT PAVE THE ROAD TO FLAVORTOWN.

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Latkes

Latkes

SLATHER SOME APPLE SAUCE ON THERE AND CALL ME DADDY.

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Tater tots

Tater tots

THEY LOOK LIKE TURDS AND YET I CRAVE THEM WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND FIERY SUNS.

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Potato skins

Potato skins

BASICALLY A CANOE FOR CHEESE TO SAIL DIRECTLY INTO MY MOUTH.

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Roasted potatoes

Roasted potatoes

I'M A SUCKER FOR CLASSIC HOME COOKING AND A ROSEMARY GARNISH.

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Waffle fries

Waffle fries

ARGUABLY EVEN BETTER THAN REGULAR WAFFLES.

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IF YOU TRIED TO SLAP ME ACROSS THE FACE WITH THIS YOU COULDN'T BECAUSE I'D EAT IT IN ONE BITE.

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Curly fries

Curly fries

IF I HAD THREE WISHES I'D WISH TO BE SMALL ENOUGH TO SLIDE DOWN A CURLY FRY LIKE A PLAYGROUND SLIDE AND THEN I'D WISH TO BE BIG AGAIN AND THEN I'D WISH TO EAT MORE CURLY FRIES.

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Mashed potatoes

Mashed potatoes

A FLUFFY POTATO CLOUD I GET TO PUT INSIDE MY BODY. ISN'T BEING ALIVE THE BEST?

Bhofack2 / Getty Images

French fries

French fries

PORTABLE, CRISPY, POTATO-Y PERFECTION. THE GREATEST FOOD THERE EVER WAS AND EVER WILL BE. WE ARE SO LUCKY.

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